How To Write and Deliver The Perfect Wedding Speech

I have been fortunate enough to be asked to speak at a number of weddings. This is an honor I don’t take lightly. Having also sat through quite a few cringe-worthy speeches from my fellow speakers, I feel compelled to share my tips for how to write and deliver the perfect wedding speech. Before starting, keep in mind why you are doing this: to provide an indelible memory for the bride, groom and their guests on the night before/during what will hopefully be the greatest night of their lives. You’re not doing this to be funny or entertaining for the sake of being funny or entertaining. The mark of a great speech is not that they remember you, but that they remember your words, specifically, the stories, jokes and sentiments about the bride and the groom.

Structuring the Speech

My tried and true method is the 2 (or 3) - 1 - 1 format. This means 2 or 3 paragraphs about the person whose side you’re standing on (in my case, it’s the groom), 1 paragraph about the bride, and then 1 paragraph about the two of them together. You begin by telling stories about the person whom you know best - this allows you to get off to a strong start with your best material and set the tone for the speech. The next part - that paragraph about the other person - is key. It demonstrates your willingness to welcome them into your life by focusing thought and attention on them independent of their spouse. It signals, “Jenny, Tom is my best friend, and but you’re special enough to me that I can speak about you as an individual rather than simply as an extension of Tom.” The final paragraph is designed to wrap up with the two of them as a couple. Remember, this night is about them, not him or her. It’s not Tom as an individual that we’re here to celebrate, but Tom and Jenny as a couple.

Joke, Vignette, Sentiment

Now, within the 2 - 1 - 1 format, you still need to share the right sentiments. How do you do it without coming across as mean, inappropriate, boring or overly sentimental? You combine them into each paragraph by opening with a joke/one-liner, then telling a supporting story, and ending with a warm sentiment that takes the sting off of your joke and keeps the tone positive and loving. Here’s an example:

David’s always been a terrible liar - let’s just say that if you ever plan on robbing a bank, he’s not the guy you want corroborating your alibi. In high school, we decided it was time to get shredded, so we found some shady muscle pills from GNC, which were pretty much a combination of caffeine and four about-to-be-banned substances, and decided to start a regimen. He said to me, “Whatever you do, don’t tell my mom. She’ll freak out.” Later that night, after our first workout, he gives me a call and says, “It’s over, my mom knows!” I said, “How did that happen? I haven’t said a word.” He said, “Well, I got home, she asked me how my day was and I cracked and told her everything. I couldn’t take the pressure!” Needless to say, Maria, you will have no problem with him sneaking around on you. But you can also rest assured that when David talks about how much he loves you and how much you mean to him, there is no doubting that either.

The jokes and stories should be benign enough that Grandma won’t be offended but descriptive enough so that the audience nods their heads and says, “Yes - that’s David!” If it’s too much of an inside joke, it will be lost on everyone.

Delivering The Speech

There are plenty of posts on public speaking, so I won’t recount them. But there are a few wedding-specific things to keep in mind:

• Don’t introduce yourself or spend time talking about how you know the bride/groom. This sounds counter-intuitive because everyone does it. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter who you are or how you know them. You’re obviously special (and credible) enough that they asked you to stand and speak. Most people there probably already know you. And the content of your speech will probably fill in the gaps (oh - they must’ve gone to college together). But, again, this is about the bride and groom, not about you.
• On that note, leave yourself out of it. This is not a reflection on your personal relationship with the bride/groom. It is an opportunity to speak about them - their quirks, great qualities and love for one another. Of course, “I” will come up in the course of the story, but stay away from using the bride or the groom as a foil to talk about all the things that have gone on in your life.
• If you screw up, forget your lines, or skip a paragraph, just pause - don’t acknowledge it. The audience has no idea what you intended to say. They only know what you’re saying. Likely, they are still processing what you’ve said in the past and won’t be paying attention. Just press forward.
• Finally, consider your audience and make it unique. If you are at a wedding where half the audience is Indian or Russian or Argentinian, add a quote in their language (properly vetted). Otherwise, they will tune out. While it’s not about the audience, it’s certainly helpful to have them engaged, laughing, and on your side.

In the end, just keep in mind the big point: it’s about the two of them, together, building a life with one another. Reflect on the stories that made them who they are and brought them together, leave out the parts that are best saved for the bachelor/bachelorette party (like substance abuse, stories about their exes, or how much they hate their soon-to-be in-laws), and remember to stay positive. And to that, I raise my glass and say “Best of luck on your next speech. May you leave the bride beaming, the groom grinning and the audience asking for more!”